I decided to cover style and word sense issues before going into grammar.
In general, I'm recommending these steps:
Keep well! And thanks for confiding in me on this. I do hope it helps!
- Reread your proposal.
- Carefully read my notes, alongside your proposal. If you have any questions, email me, or catch me at work. Unfortunately, I don't have a copy of my schedule on hand—I keep it at work, and check it before I go home! Perhaps I'll post it here later.
- Rewrite/touch up your proposal, trying to acheive the goals I suggest.
- Contact me again, and I'll have another go at your proposal.
Oh! It appears you have μSoft Office 2007. Nonetheless, I've saved both 2003 and 2007 versions of my comments, below.